Standard churchy sounding advice is bad for marriages because it was designed to deal with the burnouts of the sexual revolution.
Story time.
Margaret the Boomer didn't want her husband sexually. After her loose living in the "hippie days" she started associating sex with a past version of herself that she now hates. Whenever Bill started making moves, she felt gross.
Being part of the self esteem generation, Margaret doesn't want to hear shame and blame for her past transgressions. To admit true fault and try to do better means degrading that self esteem. Nonetheless, she wants something to soothe the feeling of shame for how she used to live. In comes Pastor Tom.
Pastor Tom knows that Margaret is difficult to handle. Tell her that she owes her husband sex, she'll leave the church. Tell her she should bear fruits in keeping with repentance for her prior whoring, she'll leave the church. If anything is presented as her fault, she'll leave the church. How does Pastor Tom know this? Because Margaret and her husband showed up at his church after their last pastor tried those things.
So how does Pastor Tom help their marriage without losing his parishioners? Like other ministers in his generation, he takes the easy way out; he puts everything on Bill, the husband. It's *his* fault they aren't having enough sex, and not because he's not attractive (that would be too simple and explanation); no, it has to be because Bill isn't patient enough, holy enough, sanctified enough, and honestly he shouldn't be expecting sex anyway. Could have told him to lose weight and be more assertive, could have told her that she must be open to him sexually, but those things are hard and risky. It was easier to just tell Bill to eat the damage and call it "complementarianism."
Margaret ends up divorcing Bill, citing her needs being unfulfilled. Bill doesn't understand, because he did everything she and Pastor Tom told him to. Their 2 kids end up being degenerates in their youth to deal with the divorce - thus repeating the cycle.
That's how dumbass complementarian marriage takes got started, and that's why they aren't going away for a long time.
