What in Locke’s name did you just say about me, you collectivist cur? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the School of Natural Rights, and I’ve been involved in numerous debates on individual liberty, with over 300 confirmed citations of Mill, Locke, and Smith. I am trained in rhetorical warfare and I’m the top orator in the entire Mont Pelerin Society. You are nothing to me but another statist sheep. I will wipe your arguments out with precision the likes of which has never been seen since the Glorious Revolution, mark my words. You think you can get away with spouting that utilitarian nonsense on Facebook? Think again, central planner. As we speak, I am contacting my network of libertarian think tanks across the globe, and your IP is being traced right now, so you better prepare for the storm, you Keynesian maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your worldview. Your policies are dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can dismantle your arguments in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my copy of On Liberty. Not only am I extensively trained in Socratic dialogue, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Cato Institute’s white papers, and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable collectivism off the face of the discourse, you little Rousseauvian. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your authoritarian tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn mercantilist. I will rain Hayekian wisdom all over you, and you will drown in it. You’re finished, kiddo. Laissez-faire.
